If you’ve been with someone for a long time, and you’ve traveled with them, they’ve probably become your go-to travel partner. At least, that was the case with me.
I was with someone for four years, and during those four years we traveled all around Europe and Asia together. It was perfect. Until it wasn’t. And when it became time to go our separate ways, it was so much harder than a regular break up.
We’d built a lifestyle together. A lifestyle that most people could only dream of. We both worked remotely, and hopped between cities, islands and mountains.
So when our relationship came to an end, one of the biggest heart aches was knowing that my future adventures would be alone. After four years of traveling together, as a couple, I struggled to come to terms with the thought of traveling alone.
But it turned out, traveling alone had even more opportunities and perks than traveling as a couple. Solo travel is truly life changing, and it’s not as daunting as you might think. So I thought I’d write this post to help anyone else who’s broken up or breaking up with their travel partner.
Should you break up before or after a trip?
If you’re having doubts about your partner, but you’ve got a trip booked, it can be hard to know what to do. You can feel trapped and helpless.
If you break up before the trip, it’s a lot of excitement and money down the drain. If you break up after the trip, you have to sit on your decision until your trip is over.
One thing to consider is that there’s never a good time to break up. You’ll always have something planned, or something going on that would make it a bad time. Break ups are always bad, which I know isn’t particularly reassuring, but it means that break ups on the road aren’t that much worse.
Waiting it out until the end of your trip can also cause a lot of tension. If you speak your mind before you depart you can get the hard part over and done with, and start moving on sooner. You’ll also have more time to think about what happens regarding your trip.
Breaking up before a trip is also a lot easier than breaking up whilst abroad. The last thing you want is for tension to build, and for you to encounter the fresh hell of a break up when you’re supposed to be enjoying a holiday.
However, if you’re not sure about whether you definitely want to leave your partner, seeing how the trip goes can be a good idea.
What happens if you break up before a booked trip?
If you’ve broken up, but you’ve got a trip booked together, you’ll need to come up with a plan. Your options are:
1: both of you still go together, as friends
2: neither of you go
3: one of you goes alone or with someone else
Option 1 is a bad idea. If you go away together having just broken up, you won’t be able to move on, and the break up won’t feel real.
Option 2 is a good option, if you can get your money back. But if you can’t get any sort of refund, this is going to be disappointing for both of you.
Option 3 is worth considering. One of you could pay the other back their share of the holiday, and take a friend instead. This way, no one really loses. One person gets their money back, one person gets a holiday. But be considerate of your ex – don’t take a romantic interest on what would have been your holiday together.
How To Break Up With Someone Whilst Traveling
If you’re already traveling with someone, and you realise it’s just not working, a break up can feel impossible. Especially if you’ve got several weeks or even months left of your trip.
But it is possible to break up whilst traveling. And it doesn’t have to ruin your trip. Here are some tips to help breaking up whilst traveling go as smoothly as possible.
1: Be as kind as possible
If you’re the breaker-upper, you’ve probably been thinking about leaving your partner for a while. But for them, it might come as a shock. Especially in the middle of a trip.
So try to be gentle with them. They’ll be sad, maybe angry, and possibly scared about being left in the middle of an unknown country.
In this situation a little kindness goes a long way. Don’t end it with screaming and shouting. Just be honest, and grateful for the good times.
2: Don’t abandon your (ex) partner
If your relationship ended with anger, it can be tempting to storm off and never see your partner again. But if you care about them, which you probably still do so soon after a breakup, make sure they’re alright.
Don’t abandon them in a strange country. Help them make a plan. Will you continue the rest of your trip together, or separately? Or will one or both of you decide to fly home?
Reassure them that whatever they decide to do, you’ll support them. Because if your relationship meant anything, you’ll want them to be safe, and as okay as they can be.
3: It can still be a life changing trip
Just because you’ve decided you don’t work as a couple, doesn’t mean you can’t still enjoy the trip. Whether you decide to finish the trip together or separately, there’s no need to write off the experience.
You’ve both spent money on the trip, and you were both hoping for life changing experiences, so why not have them?
If the break up was too painful, and you’d rather just fly home, that’s completely fine. But if you think you can continue as friends, or as solo travellers, it’s worth sticking it out and making the most of the time you have left.
4: Make plans for when you arrive home
Did you drive to the airport together? Or do you have belongings at each others homes? Will you be arriving home at different times? These are things you’ll need to think about. The chances are that parting ways at the airport won’t be that simple. Decide when you’ll collect belongings, how you’ll both get home from the airport, etc.
How To Cope With Losing A Travel Partner
Whether you’ve broken up with your partner, or you’re the one that’s been broken up with, losing a travel partner is hard. You’re probably wondering how you’ll ever travel again without them.
But just because you don’t have your partner anymore doesn’t mean you can’t travel anymore. You still have the option of traveling with friends, or alone.
Here are some tips to help you cope with losing a travel partner.
1: Discover yourself again
I know, it sounds cringey. But rediscovering yourself is an important part of any break up. You’ve probably spent a long time getting to know who you are as part of a pair, so it’s time to figure out who you are as an individual.
Once you’re comfortable and confident with yourself, and you know what you want from your future, then you can start planning future trips.
2: Don’t cling to the past
It’s tempting to hold on to the idea that you might get back together, but if you do this, you’re never going to move on. Try to focus on what the future might bring, rather than clinging on to the past.
3: Remember love and convenience aren’t the same thing
If you and your partner broke up, it was for a reason. And one of those reasons might have simply been that the love was gone.
If you find yourself questioning whether breaking up was the right thing to do, consider the difference between love and convenience. Are you having second thoughts because you still love your partner, or because life was easy with them?
Just because your partner lived and enjoyed a similar lifestyle to you, doesn’t make them your soul mate. Hold on for someone who not only has a similar lifestyle and interests, but someone you also absolutely adore.
4: Grow your confidence
Even if you consider yourself a shy person, and you’re worried about facing the world alone, remember confidence is like a plant: it can be grown!
Spend some time focusing on yourself. Achieve personal goals, and start to take on new tasks and challenges independently. If you lack social confidence, push yourself to go to more social events and you’ll soon feel like a social butterfly.
Growing your confidence is going to help you move on, and potentially plan solo trips in the future.
5: Focus on friendships
Partners come and go, but your friends and family will always be there for you. So rather than thinking about moving on romantically, just spend some time with your close friends and family.
Spending time with your loved ones can remind you of how special you are, and they can often help you feel much better and more confident.
6: Make a bucket list
It’s normal to lose interest in travel a little after breaking up with your travel partner, but if you make a bucket list, you’ll start to rediscover your love of adventure.
Make plans for the places you want to see, and remember the reason you fell in love with travel. You probably had a desire to travel before you met your partner, so you just need to rediscover it as a solo traveler.
Think of why it is you want to see and experience certain places, rather than who you want to see them with.
7: Book a solo trip
Booking a solo travel trip is the final and most important stage of getting over losing your travel partner. It’s your chance to thrive as an individual, and explore the world on your own terms.
You might not have anyone to set off with, but you’ll meet so many people along the way, and you’ll see things you’ve always dreamed of seeing.
I’ll admit, setting off on a solo travel trip is absolutely terrifying the first time. You don’t what’s going to happen, who you’re going to meet, or what the place is going to be like. But once you’ve set off, it’s going to be the most life changing experiences you’ve ever had. And it will be a huge personal achievement.
I live in the UK, in the country’s most uneventful city, where the most interesting story in the local paper is about banning dressing gowns in supermarkets.
I travel and I write, because surely there are more interesting stories than that to write about and share.
